Christians are straight up FREAKS
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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