My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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