I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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