walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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