how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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