how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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