You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How naked do you want me to be?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
