I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
