nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
