we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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