Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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