Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
