your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
