Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
