I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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