That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
