I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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