THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
