he wants to bone in the snuggie
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
