I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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