last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
