I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
