definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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