You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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