Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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