My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
