Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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