those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
