I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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