SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
