so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
