found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
