Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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