Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
