We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
