Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
