i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
