his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize