I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
