is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
