i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
