I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
