It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize