fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
