I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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