I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
