stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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