i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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