Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
