i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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