okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
