It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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