when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
