I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
