Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
