It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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