I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
