Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
