I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
