I am in a vortex of obligation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.