i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.