At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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