I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug