i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
