That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize