Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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