I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
