Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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