Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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