tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
