He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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